Sometimes when you hear some
of the issues people face in relationships or listen to people telling their
stories or read what they post on social media, it is easy to draw conclusions
that the one with the issue is a big fool. It’s like their decision was one of
the poorest you have ever heard and if you were in their shoes, you would have
But the truth of the matter is, you are not more intelligent than them neither are you more blessed with wisdom than them. You might have made the same mistake or worse if you found yourself in their shoes.
It is fascinating to know that in the 21st century people believe when we talk about love it is the business of the heart and because of that we leave the head out. How can you make the right or correct decision without your head?
Any serious person who is looking for a serious relationship should let his or her head guide them. This is how you do that. Anytime you meet someone you like and wish to be in a relationship with, or someone approaches you in the name of a relationship or marriage, take time to do your background check, get to know them as a mere friend before you decide to be in a relationship with them.
Never rely on anyone to do that, if you have to solely rely on people to think or make decisions, God wouldn’t have given you a head. That alone should motivate you to make the best use of your head. If you recognize a behaviour, attitude, lifestyle, belief etc you are not comfortable with or don’t want to end up with a person like them as a couple, then please stop entertaining them. Stop talking to them.
If you don’t stop talking to them, you are likely to trap yourself in a relationship with them. Once you start talking to them, you have started creating a bond with them. A bond that has the power to bring the two so close to the extent that you develop strong feelings for them.
Once you develop a strong feeling for them, you don’t care anymore about the issues or concerns you have with them. You just believe your feeling for them is strong enough to take care of everything, which is a lie. Your feeling has no power to change them. You have rather given them the power to influence you.
Your feelings for them now becomes your weakness. They are able to explore; manipulate and make you do things you wouldn’t have done if you had no feelings for them. You become their prisoner and you realize the relationship is not best for you but you are trapped.
Have you asked yourself why a lady who vowed not to date the married ends up trapped in a relationship with one at the end? This happens because she continues to talk to him, she continues to entertain him.
You heard him complain she is disrespectful or lives a lifestyle he doesn’t want to end up in a relationship with but with time, he is trapped in such a relationship. This is because he was talking to her to the extent of creating a bond. As a result, he has developed strong feelings for her.
When you take a good look at the human being, the head is above the body; before you accept anyone as a lover, please make the maximum use of your head. If you find out he or she is not your kind of partner let them go. If your troubles walk out of the door it means you don’t have to work hard to get rid of them. That is far better than giving such a person your time, it’s like giving them a part of you that you can’t get back.
You are just adding to your problems because you already identified the person as someone you wouldn’t like to be with. You will now need to work hard in the future to get rid of them. That doesn’t come easy, it comes with a war, fighting yourself to let go what is wrong, since you allowed it to be part of you.
You don’t owe someone who is not your choice or kind of partner an explanation. Remember only the guilty feel the need to explain. You are not guilty for saying NO so don’t go giving them explanations or reasons why you can’t accept them.
In conclusion, “An impulsive vow is a trap; later you’ll wish you could get out of it” – Proverbs 20:25 (MSG).
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Thank you for reading.
By Frank Edem Adofoli