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The delusions we have taken into a relationship…

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Relationship quarrel
Picture of young sad couple quarreling while sitting on sofa. Relationship quarrel

This is not just senseless, it is stupid. The term relate means to commit yourself to another. It is an oxymoron to claim a relationship and still preach me, myself & I.

Similarly, when people say marriage is overrated, it basically means you are overrated. Marriage is not an abstract word. Marriage simply means joining 2 things together. You can marry anything – 2 ideas, 2 agreements, 2 people. You and your partner are what failed, not the institution. You didn’t work at it and so it failed. There is no huge meaning to marriage – just the coming together of 2 people.

In a relationship, just like marriage, it is not about YOU. It is about the union. The relationship comes first.

If you want to do Me, Myself & I, stay single. Being single is always an option. Whom you spend forever with, is your biggest life decision. It is ridiculous when you make a relationship/marriage sound like an afterthought.

If everyone put self first, there would be no relationship.

A relationship is not for selfish people. Stay single. Every decision made within a relationship, must consider the interest of both parties and not the interest of one. The satisfaction of the interest of one must have a resultant positive effect on the relationship.

“Do you, if the relationship ends, it is not meant to be” is just bullshit.

A Relationship is hard work and commitment even on the best days. Importantly, the relationship is sacrifice. If you can’t sacrifice, you have no business in a relationship.

This is why the big conversations must be had – education plans, children, investment, relocation, career – the when, the how, the where among others.

Commitment is not limited to sex.

A partner not sleeping with other people is them putting the relationship first even though they know the satisfaction they can get from these other people. This same commitment is expected in every aspect of life because the goal is to be there for each other till the end of time.

Hence, making decisions together is more important than the decision itself. Your partner would make sacrifices for you but they will only happily do that if you carry them along not when you shove it at them and make them realize your interest is more important than them.

Some people avoid relationships till they have sorted out their selfish interests. Then they match up with someone at that stage in their life. Some break up relationships because they came to accept they were being selfish and it wasn’t fair on their partners.

This is fine.

What you don’t do is try to have your cake and eat it. You want the benefit of the relationship only to the extent you choose yourself first and your partner chooses you first too.

If they did whatever they like with their money and their body as it pleases them irrespective of how it affects the relationship would that be okay by you?

You can’t pick and choose when the relationship comes first and when selfishness comes first.

In the end, everyone will accept the love they think they deserve. Please choose people that understand relationship. The igbos say that the chicken that would become a cockerel, you know from today.

You’ll know people with family values by the decisions they make now.

I wish above all things that your relationship prospers and you find eternal bliss in all that pertains to you. I trust the God of all grace to help you excel with your partner in all endeavors till forever comes. May you marry once and marry right.

Peace, Love and Spaghetti .

Written By Elorm Kwame Sangbey

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