MY FRIEND IS MY LOVER

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My Friend is my lover, however, it remains a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it

happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fade.

There are a number of reasons why people fall in love. Some people fall in love for the right reasons. Others do it out of lack of confidence. They do not want to be alone. A lot of people love the idea of being in love but not the actual fact of being in love. Love is a bigger emotion than we perceive. Love is not just about the sex, the gifts, and the companionship; it is an emotion many have tried to understand so don’t be surprised when that person you so very much thought is in love with you asks for a breakup.

Usually, we fall in love not just with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity — when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!

But is that attraction really “LOVE”?

Most of us would agree to the fact that something attracted you to that special someone you so very much love today. I am saying today because a lot of us have experienced that “today” before, but now curse the day we met that “special” someone.

As much as we would find all the reasons to say why that person should have never walked out of our lives, we should also look at the sincerity “they” attached to the “goodbye”.

The bunch of us confuse good friends as good lovers. I do not dispute the fact that your lover can be your best friend, but my question is; why did we have to wait till our best friend broke up with their lover before we moved in?

Whilst others say love grows, others believe love is felt from day 1. In trying to understand this, I have come to realize a mistake we mostly make and blame the other for a failed relationship. Let’s take the situation where you have known a girl for some time and you both have grown very fond of each other. Unfortunately the other is seriously attached to another person. So you can’t talk about dating them. Now when a breakup happens, the first point of call is you, because you are their number 1 confidante. What usually happens is, you try consoling them, and eventually you both start thinking how the two of you could be a perfect couple. (A big mistake) you are most likely going to start dating until your partner realizes they don’t love you. Then the problem starts, you will moan and groan over how much they deceived you into believing they loved you. But ask yourself, did you consider love as a part of what you were pursuing as friends? If not, then I think you should just keep mute over such a breakup because you only came in as a savior when your friend was heartbroken. When you are heartbroken, you turn to believe your best friend is the perfect lover you should be with, but reality says otherwise. Our best friend won’t necessarily make a perfect lover for us. Love is stronger than the mere friendship that bonds you together.

You made a good friend doesn’t mean you would be an awesome choice as a life partner.

So don’t moan when that best friend turn lover asks for a breakup. You should realize from day1 that you are a “friend” and like a good friend, you are expected to move in to help heal the wounds resulting from the breakup, if you are not strong enough to accept the role as a savior you will go the road many have walked. You will be heartbroken and worse of all, make an enemy of your once best friend.

You are a savior of your friend when they are heartbroken; do not rush to quickly try to make that role become a “lover” role. For the end will not be good for you. If you both really want to be together it must happen when all the wounds of the breakup are healed. Rationality is thrown to the wind when you mistake your role in your friend’s life and vice versa. Some people would always be there to offer a shoulder to cry on, and that is exactly what your role is. If you find that your friend is moving too fast just after their break up, it would be best to tell your friend to slow down. Don’t let how you feel lead you into a mix-up of emotions. Remember a breakup doesn’t take a day to get over. It takes weeks, months, and sometimes years.

Therefore let this day be the day you start playing your role properly. Let this day be the day you start being a friend than trying to fit in the shoes of your friend’s “ex”. The shoes may just be too tight or too loose. You are a savior in times of a breakup and the sooner you accept this, the better, for then you can enjoy a good friendship.

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